I think every time I sit down to write you a letter there must be some sort of thing that has either upset you or I or seperated us. That is not the case this time.
You keep asking me, ‘’Why?” Why do I love you? Why do I stay? Why is it that we cannot tear ourselves apart from one another, and avoid the obvious pain that is coming? The answer to those questions lie in these words, the one phrase in Scots Gaelic that I have taught to you; “Tha gaol agam ort”.* I know that you know what I mean.
To be certain, you can say these better than any Sassanach of my acquaintance. You always ask me, “Why?” and to that I have to say, “Because you are my heart, my soul, my life.” Everything on every level of my own existence is wedded to yours as surely as the earth must rotate about the sun and as surely as certain alchemical laws can never be transmuted. Do you not understand that you are my Philosopher’s Stone? Do you not see that you are lead into gold for me?
Many is the night I have lain awake, trying to find that one thing, that one certain thing that will make you realize once and for all what it is that I see in you. I see you for who you are. In my eyes there is no question of your honour, of your goodness. I see a man who gets up every day and faces his own face in the mirror every day, in spite of what has happened in his life. He does it and proves wrong every disparraging word spoken to him or about him by others. I am consort, not to the most kind of men in the world. But surely he is to me the most loving man in the world – for I’ve seen that love in his eye that remains. I’ve heard it in his voice, felt it in his touch, watched him with all the love and devotion in the world. I know that man is the very man I saw the first time I laid eyes on him. That man who you are often reminds me, of how to love myself.
I know that in these times, we teeter on the precipice, clinging to those things that we both love and desire. This is what anyone would have always wanted – the only things that matter. Not so long ago, all of it was an impossible dream to either of us, even if it was that which was your ideal. The love of a family, one of your very own: a wife who loves you, a child that will look up to you with eyes of trust. I know the daemons of the past, the possible phantoms of a future that may or may not come to pass, encroach upon your present and try to lure you into a feeling of utter despair. From whatever heights you might tumble, to whatever depths you may sink, even if it were the darkest most damning pit of Hell itself, I would stand beside you. I know, you do not understand, and I know that you can scarcely believe that anyone would want to do such a thing for you.
All I can say to you is that I love you. I love you as much as my own life. I would die for either you or Caroline if it came down to that, and you must know that you are the one precious thing I wake up next to each morning. Your warmth keeps me safe at night. Let me at least give you the same in return.
All of my love always and in all ways,
* “Tha gaol agam ort” – “I love you.” (Scots-Gaelic)
Muse: Fanny Fae
Fandom: Original Character / Folklore /Mythology
Word Count: 626