What are you afraid of?

*I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

I fear nothing and no one.

I would not be where I am now if I allowed myself to fear. There is fear, and then there is the knowledge of how to pick your battles. I pick my battles carefully. I study the arts of war, conflict and negotiation and within the Laws of Power, I make it my business to find out which move is most expedient to achieving my goals. I do not mind waiting for long periods of time in order obtain my objectives.

There is little in this world that I allow myself to be afraid of. Surely the things that keep me motivated, that drive me, might also provide a great amount of fear – again, that is – if I were to allow it. When I was younger and imprisoned, clothed in garments that consisted more of rips than they did of cloth and terrorized by rats, I did know fear. I fear that it has been my own actions that has widened this war. Not since the Fae Wars have things been so tenuous. I am concerned for the well being of not only for my friends who are Immortals, but also for myself and for all Immortal beings. In the past, doctrinal differences turned into accusation of heresy and therefore deserving of the sentence of torture and death by the most unimaginable cruelties of man upon man. Even my own husband himself was an inquisitor of a kind in the Name of the Cardinal and of the Church. His name was feared not only in France but throughout Europe. His past deeds pale by comparison to those times. Even my own devices toward torture and death, which are from the Unseelie are nothing compared to that which the Spaniards heaped upon their fellow European brothers and sisters – all done in the Name of God and with the blessings of the Pope and the Holy Mother Church.

But now that same level of evil has returned. These people they call the Watchers will not stop, just as Spain and Rome did not stop in pursuing and persecuting not only those who were of the Old Faith, but even those who were counted among the followers of Christ. The Watchers hate those of us who are different, no matter if we have been here longer, no matter if in the past we existed side by side. Our deathlessness brings jealousy and hatred. My oldest friend, Hsu Danmei, and I have known each other nearly for the whole of my life. He knows this hatred perhaps far better than I do. We both saw this coming, but neither of us spoke about it until recently. Those whom I defend, I do so for love. (How Hsu would smirk at that confession!) I have also come to love the girl, for beyond being the great hope upon whom we pin a great many of our hopes, she is someone who has proven worthy of our love and trust. Sebastien, Caroline and all those who are among the various races of immortals will do all that is necessary to win this war, but Cody Jean…she will be able to get closer than all of us. The anger and drive to win this is something that we Immortals know is well-founded and just.

But do I fear for them? Yes. I fear for us all. I fear that one misstep will insure that Aidan and Wes, Sorsha and countless others may end up having died in vain. I know that in the end we will defeat them. But will it escalate until there is nothing and no one left? But I will not, I cannot ever let that fear ever show. I must become hard and cruel and stand the real chance of losing myself in all of this. Is that a world into which I care to bring another child? Will I give in to fear?

No. I shall not fear.

Muse: Fanny Fae / Faelyn
Fandom: Original Character / Folklore / Mythology / Meta Fandom Fun
Word Count: 650 (*not counting Frank Herbert’s ” Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear”
crossposted to

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