Waking the Wytch

Many a year ago, during the trials of separation twixt Douglas and myself, I outwitted Barbossa’s tall black brute of a man, called nothing more than ‘BoSun’ in a fair fight. I will spare the details of that fight for another tyme, and only say that as a woman and a Wytch, I had humiliated him. What was e’en worse, was that Captain Hector Barbossa and nearly the entire crewe had witnessed the besting. The man, had always viewed me, I am sure, with a hatred deeper than most men wish ‘pon the head of e’en another man. I watched BoSun stand in the shadow of his captain, but rarely did his eyes leave me. T’was an olde grudge betwixt the two of us and I knewe that sooner rather than later it woulde come up again. By the Goddess! I’faith I should have knowne that it woulde be afore the evening was out!

The Flaming Boar was busy, and being an independent sort, I asked one of the serving wenches if I coulde get my own rum. when she answered to the affirmative, I took my tankard and crossed the room. As I neared the cask on a stand in the corner I felt the presence of another person behind me. At first I paid it no heed, but as I turned to make my way back, none other than BoSun was standing there, blocking my path. He smiled down at me menacingly, his white teeth sharply contrasted against his very blue-black skin.

“We’ve a score to settle, Sorciere’” he grinned, “I think we should be settling it here and now.”

“Stand aside, BoSun,” I said calmly, unimpressed with his tactic toward intimidating me,”Ye’ll not want to be doing that, not now. Perhaps t’would be better another tyme.”

“NOW!” he bellowed. A few looked up from their rum or their victuals and watched us both. Douglas, Barbossa and Blackthorne were alerted, but not overly so.

“We’re on land,” I said, flashing a smile at Douglas so that he woulde not think anything was awry, with a small smile of his own he turned back to his companions to continue their quiet negotiations, “Your Captain and mine, declared a truce, and bygones are to be bygones – or were ye absent at the tyme?”

“Bygones are not bygones between us, Wytch!” he lunged and grabbed my wrist, sending my full tankard of rum flying and clattering onto the floor some distance away. I twisted within is grasp and was able to somehow grab hold of my Wytch’s blade from beneath my skirts. By the Goddess I do not knowe still how I was able to do it! In a twisting arc, I ended up standing behind him, holding one hand at Bosun’s windpipe and the other hand, with my dagger was resting against the things that each man possess and claims to value the most. The dark man struggled beneath my hand only long enough to feel the end of the blade sharply shoved against his testicles before I felt him relax ‘neath my hand and cease his struggle.

Douglas elbowed past Barbossa and began to come toward me, but he held back as soon I flashed him a warning glance. If I did’na prove my worth before these swabs, the harassment woulde continue indefinitely. It was the flash of recognition and Douglas eased back on his heel, watching the tension in the room unfold once again. Bosun was panting, thinking for one moment he could wrest free of his predicament, but a pointed reminder dug deeper into his assets to remind him.

“You know, if you ask around Port Royal,” I said sweetly to him, the side of my blade lay neatly against the outline of his cock, “you’ll be told that my skill at gelding a stallion is such that the horse ne’er e’en gets a chance to feel it, till its all o’er. I’m more than happy to continue that tradition here in Barbados. So…I’d be wondering, Bosun, if you’d care to volunteer – just to see if my skill holds true?”

He only answered me with a low growl but I sensed that he knew that if he made one more move to my displeasure, his hopes of e’er being a man amongst men again would be laid to waste at both of our feet.

“No?” I answered for him, “Funny that.” I came in close to his ear whispering in a low hiss, “If ye e’er make a move on me like that again, I’ll be taking more than the pathetic bit of swag ye’d be packin in yer hold. That’s two mistakes for you, Mate” I stroked his cheek gently,” there won’t be a third. I give ye my word bond.”

With all my strength I shoved him away, the blade caught Bosun’s breeches and tore them, but no blood was spill’t. The eye of every manjack in the Flaming Boar was upon me. I can only plead that I was about to give them a taste of the Wytch’s Pow’r through the art of ‘ritual drama’. With a roar, my blade still drawn, I spun in a circle sweeping wide with my knife as if I were pointing a finger at each and every one of them.

“By the Goddess! If any of you lay a hand on me again,” I turned my head to look at Captain Morgan Adams and at a busty wench just at the head of her table, “or any of my sisters ‘ere without asking first, ye’ll be watching your peckers shrink into nothingness, or e’en fall off!”

“Oy! She’s not yer sister!” one swab cried out with a scoff. He was answered with “Aye’s!” by a few of the men.

“On the contrary, Sir,” I said, “For indeed, that she is. And so is e’very woman ‘ere.” I said, pricking and preening around the room with my blade like a Spanish dancer. Eyes and breaths were drawn very carefully and the air was heavy wih their tension, “I see you all are a little nervous, ” I continued, looking up at Hector, who forced a smile, I coulde see he was not wanting to himself become a eunuch this night. “That’s goode. Ye shoulde be. Oh don’t worry, it probably won’t happen right away. It could be when your betwixt the thighs of a doxie whilst yer trying to impress her – or maybe e’en when you finally get home to yer wife, or it could e’en be while yer making water and then… *POP*” I shouted for effect, some of them even jumped back, my eyes wild and my smile a cruel death’s head, “off it comes!”

Just then he voice of a man, screaming as if in the throes of torturous pain rang out o’er the room. Filled with anst and panick.

” AHHh! AHHH! AHHHHHHH! By the Virgin Mother in Heaven! AHHHH!!! She’s cursed me!”

“Then again, it could happen just that quick.” I mused aloud.

The crowd parted to see a crewman writhing in hysterics on the floor a rat had somehow crawled up his lap and was eating crumbs right from his crotch. The poor beast must have nibbled a bit more than just spilt food and gave him a sharp pinch of the jaws and with just the perfect timing. Every man in the place looked terrified out of their wits, e’en my beloved Douglas’ when I glanced at him, his eyes were a bit wider for a moment. A few men covered their bits without even thinking, and several men, perhaps a dozen or so, not wanting to take chances, scrambled for the door and one e’en made out a shuttered window in his panic. I let lose as manic a laugh as I could muster. I suspect few had e’er seen a real Wytch, let alone witnessed a curse – of a kind.

“We used to burn Wytches! Maybe we can start with you!” shouted one who was still unconvinced.

“Have ye not heard, gentlemen?” I jumped up on a bench to tower over them, “ They tried that once right ‘ere in Barbados and yet I live!” A few men crossed themselves, and others made the sign to ward off the evil eye, “Ah yes, I see ye there, Jeffers! You can tell the tale for me if ye like. “

“No, Marm,” Jeffers moved away, “ E’en though you speake the truth, I don’t need to be tellin’ the story. Id like to sleep tonight – with my balls, if it’s all the same to ye.”

“And you ask so sweetly! But I must tell you – only the Queen of England is referred to as ‘Marm’, Jeffers.” I chuckled at him, “ we’ll not have ye being harassed for being disloyal. T’would be the least of any of our crimes!”

“Well bein’ as she’s not ‘ere at the moment, Miss Fanny, beggin’ yer pardon,” Jeffers gulped down a quick swig of rum, “and since you have the way of survivin’ burnin and shrinkin a man’s….you know…I think ye earned bein called that.”

I let out a laugh, “Fair enough,” I said, “well, I shall pass on your regards to Her Majesty ere next we meet. Agreed?”

“Aye,” he nodded, “and can I keep..”

“Aye!” I said, “For now…”

Nearly all who remained of the male gender either hid themselves behind objects or moved away from the women that they had been sampling their wares like goods in a marketplace. All of them too superstitious to tempt their fayte.

“The night is yours, ladies!” I took up a tankard of ale that was being offered to me from one able seaman on his knees. I coulde get to like this deference being given to me with such a well crafted bit of Wytch’s drama. I glanced at Douglas who was doing all that he coulde not to burst out laughing himself. I jumped downe from the bench and a clear path was cut through the bodies of men as I passed, completely unmolested and given an extra-wide berth.

“Gents…” I smiled, “Ye’d best behave – Fanny Fae’d be watching you!” And with that there were a few men making signs against the evil eye, once again. but to no avail. I had made my point and won my argument. And as I glanced past Douglas and Hector, I caught sight of BoSun who stood in the far corner and glared at me still.

TBC

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7 Comments

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7 responses to “Waking the Wytch

  1. Ye have put a curse on me friends page with yer darke table magick!

  2. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!! Thank you, Fanny!!!!!!

  3. ::jaw drop::

    LMAO!!! THIS??? This bit here? INSPIRED. Absolutely effin’ INSPIRED!!!!

    “Oy! She’s not yer sister!” one swab cried out with a scoff. He was answered with “Aye’s!” by a few of the men.

    “On the contrary, Sir,” I said, “For indeed, that she is. And so is e’very woman ‘ere.” I said, pricking and preening around the room with my blade like a Spanish dancer. Eyes and breaths were drawn very carefully and the air was heavy wih their tension, “I see you all are a little nervous, ” I continued, looking up at Hector, who forced a smile, I coulde see he was not wanting to himself become a eunuch this night. “That’s goode. Ye shoulde be. Oh don’t worry, it probably won’t happen right away. It could be when your betwixt the thighs of a doxie whilst yer trying to impress her – or maybe e’en when you finally get home to yer wife, or it could e’en be while yer making water and then… *POP*” I shouted for effect, some of them even jumped back, my eyes wild and my smile a cruel death’s head, “off it comes!”

    Just then he voice of a man, screaming as if in the throes of torturous pain rang out o’er the room. Filled with anst and panick.

    ” AHHh! AHHH! AHHHHHHH! By the Virgin Mother in Heaven! AHHHH!!! She’s cursed me!”

    “Then again, it could happen just that quick.” I mused aloud.

    The crowd parted to see a crewman writhing in hysterics on the floor a rat had somehow crawled up his lap and was eating crumbs right from his crotch. The poor beast must have nibbled a bit more than just spilt food and gave him a sharp pinch of the jaws and with just the perfect timing. Every man in the place looked terrified out of their wits, e’en my beloved Douglas’ when I glanced at him, his eyes were a bit wider for a moment. A few men covered their bits without even thinking, and several men, perhaps a dozen or so, not wanting to take chances, scrambled for the door and one e’en made out a shuttered window in his panic. I let lose as manic a laugh as I could muster. I suspect few had e’er seen a real Wytch, let alone witnessed a curse – of a kind.

    ::falls over laughing::

    Oh this is just too good. WHY oh why can you not be one of the scriptwriters for the screenplay of one of the two next movies??!

    Utterly brilliant. Am gonna be unable to help cackling and chortling over that entire sequence there for the rest of me days.

    ::happy sigh::

    Wow. am wowed.

    • LMAO!!! THIS??? This bit here? INSPIRED. Absolutely effin’ INSPIRED!!!!

      Aye, we had a bit of fun with it, I woulde say! I am glad ye found it amusing. 😉

      ::falls over laughing::

      Oh this is just too good. WHY oh why can you not be one of the scriptwriters for the screenplay of one of the two next movies??!

      Utterly brilliant. Am gonna be unable to help cackling and chortling over that entire sequence there for the rest of me days.

      ::happy sigh::

      Wow. am wowed.

      Thank you, Dear Heart! I woulde love to be writing on the next movies. I certainly think that Barbossa needs a FannyFae-like creature there because, Lady love him, Jack Sparrow gets so much love and well, Barbossa deserves a bit more sympathy for all his sweet complexities, don’t ye think?

      🙂

      • A FannyFae-like creature? Or a creature like Fanny-Fae Herself?! HEE HEE HEE! I think he needs Fanny-Fae and that you do him a great honor and with much compassion, considering that he is a randy old goat!

        (By the way, I LOVE your icon!! HAH! Love that movie. have loved her in various movies too for many a decade. ::grin:: I knew a woman (my boss actually!) who went to school with Jane in the UK…I think she was jealous of her…heheheheh)

      • OOC: Yes, he is a randy old goat, but I have to say it has been a distinct pleasure to have him about. I hate men who are boring, and Captain Barbossa is never boring, not once – not even if he tries. Now THAT would be the meaning of hell! *grin*

        As for the icon – long story. I actually had just missed a chance to meet Jane Seymour. I was travelling when she was at our store in South Coast Plaza signing her book, “Jane Seymour’s Guide to Romantic Living”. I bet its still out there somewhere. That is when she was living in some fairy castle in England with some director husband she had. This is all before Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, etc. I’d say for one of the Bond Girls, she did extremely well for herself!
        Anyway, the folks that did get to meet her said she was one of the nicest people that they ever had in the store. Much nicer than when we had Gary Collins, and Dr. Naguchi, who was the one who did the autopsy on Marilyn Monroe, etc. Come to think of it I missed Dr. Suess when he was in the store, Too! Damn!

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